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Wednesday, August 18, 2010
♥; A Grieving Phase

It is with greatest sadness and sorrow that I'm typing this here.
My grandmother (mum's mum) passed away on 15th August, merely a few days back.
It happened just during maghrib. I witnessed the whole thing with my very own eyes.
I was very sick on that day; woke up in the morning and threw up a lot; went to the doctor in the afternoon; had fever and nausea.. Who knew that tragedy would strike during breaking fast time?
*
My family were all fasting, so they were all prepared seated at the dinner table, while i was in my room resting. Throughout the day, i kept glancing at my bro's room to where my gran was lying, she was sleeping non-stop, she was still breathing. And then came evening, my family were at the hall, i was in my room, i glanced at my gran and noticed that her eyes were opened..but something was not right. I looked closer and stood near the doorway, her eyes were looking up. I quickly told my family and we ran into the room. I saw the tears in her eyes before she passed on. Mere moments passed, and then, just like that, she was gone. I remember every single detail that happened. Called up relatives with shaking hands/fingers while trying to dial their numbers and speaking with wavering voices. People kept asking me questions, and i had to repeat everything that happened while fighting back my tears. I remember everything that happened from my house full of people, to the prayers, to sending to the Muslim cemetery.
*
I only have these to say. I am glad that my eyes were glued on her on that evening. Only ALLAH knows what would happen if I didn't look.
*
I love you, Nenek ;( ALLAH loves u more.

2:46 PM


Tuesday, August 03, 2010
♥; I Love August
:) :) :) :)
I looked at the calendar just to be sure.
And it's true.
I love August even more!
Wonderful or wad?
It happens ONCE every 823 years!
Yay!

12:56 AM


Sunday, August 01, 2010
♥; I Finally Did It

I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say
But I just can't make you sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down
But wait...
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around and say..

That it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
(But that's nothing new)
Yeah yeah

I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue
And you say
Sorry like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

*
I woke up late today.
I received an sms from one of my gfs; it made me cry.
And then, i thought about things again.

August has arrived.
Who ever knew that this favourite month of mine would kick off to a gloomy start?
After going through my thinking process, i had to do something.
I couldn't leave things just like that.
It couldn't stay that way forever.
It just wasn't possible to live life like that.
And so, i made my decision.
8 months.
It has been 8 months.
After so long..
I finally did it.
*
*
I know i'm unhappy with myself now.
I've been feeling unhappy for awhile.
I'm not myself anymore.
Exactly 4 more weeks to my 22nd birthday.
Should i look forward to 29th August?
A question i keep asking myself.
Dear Heart, what happened to u?
U need time to heal.

And so, i leave this blogpost with this quote,
Where is the "good" in goodbye?

Until then,
with all my love, hugs & chocolate kisses,
id.

6:55 PM




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